Integrated Wholeness, LLC

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Skip the Ice Cream: Here’s A Better Post-Breakup Plan

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Breakups are hard, there’s no two-ways about it. The emotional toll is enough to send many women into the fetal position with one hand wrapped around a spoon and the other around a pint of Häagen-Dazs®.

The problem with reaching for comfort foods in times of crisis is that they set us up to feel even worse. Yes, sugar absolutely gives us an initial rush. We feel energized and happy. Guess what happens when you eat sugar? Your brain produces more dopamine, a feel-good chemical. Before long, you are eating more and more ice cream to keep your dopamine levels up.

When you experience a breakup, it’s important to fight your urge to self-medicate the sadness away through unhealthy foods or alcohol. Here are some things you can do instead to feel better:

Create a New Space

It’s time for a fresh new start, and there’s no better way to do this than by giving your living space a makeover. Move the furniture around, give your living room a new paint color. Get some new sheets and linens. You want to remove obvious memories from your home and create the kind of space that makes you feel excited for your future.

Reconnect with Loved Ones

Often when we’re in a relationship, all of our time and energy goes to the other person and we see old friends and family less than we’d like. Now is a great time to reconnect with those people who will love and support you through this hard time.

Try Mindfulness Meditation

And speaking of connecting with loved ones, it’s time to connect with yourself. Mindful meditation is a great way to quiet your thoughts and just be with the REAL you. Meditation also helps to alleviate stress. Five to 10 minutes a day is all you need to start feeling calm and balanced, and this is a much better headspace to begin making choices and decisions for your future.

Breakups will never be easy, but they are a part of life. Do your best to stay away from binging on junk food and instead focus on self-care and compassion.

If you find your feelings of sadness are not going away, it may be helpful to talk to someone. When we don’t know how to navigate our strong emotions, we can become depressed and anxious. Speaking with a therapist can help you work through your pain.

If you or a loved one is experiencing depression from a recent breakup and would like to explore talk therapy, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: Depression, Nutrition

The Resistance Band Can Become Your New BFF

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Do you know the number one thing that causes aches and pains and makes a person feel old? Tight muscles and a lack of flexibility!

Much attention is given to building muscle, but not enough on how to keep muscles and other soft tissues like ligaments and tendons loose and flexible. Is flexibility really that important? Yes! It’s crucial actually.

Here are a few benefits of flexibility:

Fewer Injuries

Muscle imbalances are one of the most common reasons for injuries during physical activities. This means some muscles are overactive (tight) while others are underactive. Flexibility helps to correct this issue.

Less Pain

Loose muscles that are less tense will alleviate those common aches and pains.

Better Posture and Balance

Increased muscular flexibility typically leads to improved posture. Plus, the increased range of motion helps with balance.

Less Stress

Stretching and opening up the body leads to feelings of physical relaxation, which in turn leads to a sense of peace and calm.

Improved Physical Performance

Once you have increased your flexibility, your muscles will be able to work more effectively. This will allow better movement and therefore better physical performance.

So now that you know the benefits of muscle flexibility, let’s take a look at some simple stretches you can do to improve yours. The use of resistance bands makes these exercises safe, precise, and easy, so if you don’t have any, pick up one or two online.

A quick note:

Stretching should be done only after a light warmup of the muscles. This could be doing some jumping jacks in place for a minute or two or using a treadmill or stationary bike for 3-5 minutes. The idea is to get the blood flowing to your muscles to make them ready for stretching.

Also, stretching should feel GOOD. You should never force a stretch or feel any pain. Only use just enough tension to deepen the stretch just enough.

Now, here are a few resistance band stretches to help you become more flexible:

Hamstring Stretch

Lie on the floor with the resistance band looped around your right foot. Grab the band closer to your foot to create tension. Now straighten your right leg as much as you comfortably can while keeping the left leg bent on the floor. Gently pull the right leg towards you, stretching the back of the leg.

Hold for 15 to 30 seconds and switch sides.  

Upper Back Stretch

Sit on the floor with your legs extended out and loop the band around both feet. Cross the band and grab onto each side with both hands close to the feet. Gently curl your back, stretching it towards the back of the room and using the bands to create tension and add to the stretch. Keep your abs contracted and concentrate on feeling your shoulder blades spreading open.

Hold the position for 15 to 30 seconds.

Chest Stretch

You can do this stretch on the floor, sitting in a cross-legged position, or seated upright in a chair. Grip the band with your hands a few inches apart. Gently pull your arms out and down as low as you can to stretch the chest. If you need to adjust the tension, simply change the position of your hands on the band to tighten or loosen the grip.

These are only a few stretches, but they cover some of the biggest muscle groups and so are great to start with. You can go on Youtube to find more resistance band stretches.

We are also happy to develop a stretch routine that is suited specifically for your body and any issues you may be having. Not only do we help clients through chiropractic adjustments, but we also help to design exercise and stretching routines that will keep their joints healthy. Call us today.

 

SOURCES:

Filed Under: Chiropractic, Sports / Exercise

3 Reasons to Stay Single (At Least For a While) After a Breakup

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“Try, try again…”

“Dust yourself off and start all over again…”

“Get right back on that horse…”

These are just some of the common phrases we use to support the idea that trying something after it didn’t go so well the first time is a good idea. And in many instances, this is the right attitude. But there is something to be said about taking a break after a breakup.

When you’ve ended a difficult marriage or relationship, you may feel like putting yourself back out there and start dating again. But here are some reasons why it’s best to stay single for a while:

 

You Need to Process

The longer and bigger the relationship, the more events and feelings you’ll need to process. Dating is a great distraction from your feelings, and that is exactly why you need to remain single for a while. It’s important to process all of your feelings regarding the relationship and the breakup. Ignoring your feelings will only cause them to fester.

 

You Need to Learn

Every heartbreak in life is an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. Now is the time for you to think about what went wrong in the relationship and why? What was your part in it? What could you have done better? How will you choose your next partner based on your experiences?

Failure to truly understand your relationship history will only cause you to make the same exact mistakes.

 

You Need to Grow

You can either bring an excessive amount of emotional baggage to your next relationship, or you can bring a new version of you that is whole and healthy and vital. Now is the time to nurture yourself and your passions. What hobbies have you been ignoring because of your broken relationship? Have you been wanting to take a night class? Learn a new language or travel more? The more time you spend on yourself now to grow as a human being, the more you will have to offer that next Mr. or Mrs. Right.

 

Breakups are never easy, but they are often a part of life. The key is to not rush into the next relationship but take some time to reflect on the one that just ended. What can you learn and how can you grow?

Filed Under: Self-Esteem, Women's Issues

Can Marriage Counseling Really Help Your Relationship?

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When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce.

According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory as to why the rate is falling, the theory among therapists is that it is because marriage counseling actually works, and more couples are giving it a try.

If you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, here are some reasons why you should give marriage counseling a try:

Identifying Patterns

One of the biggest benefits of seeking counseling is having help seeing negative behavioral patterns, whether those patterns are yours as individuals and/or as a couple. Healing can only begin once patterns have been recognized.

Impartial Advice

A therapist is not like a friend or family member who is going to take sides and hand out potentially harmful advice. Marriage counselors have a track record of dealing with all sorts of marital issues and want to understand what’s going on so they can offer the best strategies for healing.

A Safe Space

Marriage counseling offers both spouses a safe space to be completely open and honest with their feelings. If not delivered in the right space, complete honesty can have adverse effects. Counseling offers a safe environment in which no one is ever judged.

A Place to Rebuild Trust

Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. But when that trust is broken, as it is through infidelity, it is hard to put the pieces back together. Marriage counselors have years of experience dealing with issues of infidelity. Counseling explores different ways to rebuild trust one step at a time.

Bringing Out Toxic Emotions

Did you know that trapped toxic emotions are one of the main reasons marriages break down? When you have feelings of anger, resentment and frustration locked deep inside you, they fester there and make matters worse. Counseling offers the space and opportunity to let these emotions out in healthy, respectful ways.

 

If your relationship is on the rocks right now, divorce is not your only solution. Thousands of couples have been helped by marriage counseling and it’s worth it to you both to give it a shot.

If you’d like to explore counseling, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Women's Issues

Is Social Media Bad for Your Mental Health?

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Have you been feeling a bit low lately, but you can’t quite put your finger on why? It may have something to do with your social media habits. According to a recent study, social media use can increase depression and loneliness.

For years people have suspected that social media use might have an ability to negatively impact our mental well-being. After all, it’s hard not to feel inadequate or jealous when looking at photos of people whose lives seem so much more perfect than ours. But now research is actually making a definitive link between spending time on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and a sense of loneliness and isolation.

It May be Time for a Social Media Detox

I encourage my clients to take a social media detox every now and then to gain a more positive sense of reality. They often report back to me that the detox offered some amazing and unexpected benefits such as:

Improved Self-Esteem

When you take a break from comparing yourself to other people, you can start to look at how great you and your own life really are.

New Interests and Hobbies

When you spend less time trying to get that social approval in the form of ‘likes’, ‘retweets’, and ‘upvotes’, you suddenly find you have a lot of time on your hands for other things.

Improves Your Mood

Trading in online friendships for real face-to-face ones makes us feel more grounded and connected to people. This can drastically improve our mood and sense of well-being.

Better Sleep 

Many people are on their mobile phone in bed, checking their social media accounts. The blue light from these devices disrupts our sleep pattern. When we put these devices away, we inevitably sleep better.

Able to Enjoy the Moment More

I am a big proponent of daily mindfulness. By being present in our lives, we feel an increased sense of peace and joy. That’s priceless.

So how do you perform a social media detox?

Follow these 4 steps:

  1. Temporarily deactivate your accounts. Don’t worry, you can reactivate them again in the future should you choose.
  2. Remove all Social Media Apps and notification pathways from your devices.
  3. Use a web filtering tool to block social media sites. (Why tempt yourself?)
  4. Be prepared for some withdrawal symptoms and have other activities ready to replace the void.

If you follow these steps and take a break from social media, chances are you will find you feel a whole lot better!

Filed Under: Addiction, Adolescents/Teens, Depression

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

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Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.

If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:

Identify Your Limits

You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take a bit of time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only until you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.

Don’t Be Shy

People who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. But people who have a different cultural background or personality may not easily understand your boundaries. With these people, it’s important to be very clear and direct.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings

People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings because they’re usually too busy worrying about everyone else’s.

You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.

If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and them, you will want to cut yourself away from further interactions.

Make Self-Care a Priority

Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well.

Speak with Someone

If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to speak with a therapist that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from and how to change your thought patterns and behavior.

If you’d like to explore therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward self-care.

Filed Under: Women's Issues

Should Men Get Help for Toxic Masculinity?

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In the past few years, we’ve all heard the phrase “toxic masculinity” mentioned very often. But what is it really? Is it as big of a problem as everyone seems to think it is? And, if so, who does toxic masculinity hurt the most?

What is Toxic Masculinity?

The phrase and concept of toxic masculinity emerged from the men’s movement of the 80s and 90s. From here the phrase was adopted into classroom studies and university discourse.

But what does toxic masculinity look like in action? It could be the perpetuation of the idea that men shouldn’t feel their feelings or express their emotions. Or, worse, making anger and violence the only acceptable form of masculine emotion.

Toxic masculinity also refers to the idea that certain men have a habit of objectifying women and feeling superior to women. And perhaps the biggest failure of toxic masculinity is the idea that somehow all of this is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior and that “boys will be boys.” Certain behaviors and characteristics are valued within the concept of toxic masculinity while others are marginalized.

Who Does Toxic Masculinity Hurt the Most?

The knee-jerk response would be to say that toxic masculinity hurts women the most. After all, it is women who are “treated as second class citizens and objectified” because of toxic masculinity and the “patriarchal society.”

But I would suggest that men suffer even more from the very concept of toxic masculinity. When you think about it, both the role of men and women have changed over the last 50+ years. While women have become more empowered and have been invited to embrace their independence and strength, young men have gotten mixed messages. What is and is no longer acceptable seems to be ever-changing. At times it seems the war isn’t just against “toxic” masculinity, but masculinity in general. What does it even mean to be masculine these days and how are men supposed to navigate these tricky waters?

Therapy Can Help Men Develop a Healthy Sense of Self

Men are human beings, and many are hurting right now, confused as to what their role and identity is in this modern world. This, in turn, impacts the relationships men have with the women in their life and the family they create. In other words, there can be a devastating ripple effect.

Therapy offers men an accepting environment to explore their feelings and uncertainties and to develop their inner character. Working with a therapist can give men the opportunity to communicate what their mind and heart are feeling and make sense of the conflicting messages they often get from society.

If you or someone you love would benefit from therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to support your journey to discover who you really and how you want to express yourself.

SOURCES:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/humans/2020/02/does-toxic-masculinity-really-exist/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2018/10/4-ways-toxic-masculinity-traumatizes-men-not-just-the-women-who-love-them/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/veganism/2019/08/veganism-and-masculinity/

Filed Under: Men's Issues

Is it Safe to Go Back to In-Person Therapy Sessions?

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Just a few short months ago, none of us could have imagined how our lives would change at the onset of the Corona Virus. Now, several months into a global pandemic and resulting global quarantine, the world is slowly starting to open back up.

But a lot of people wonder how long it will take before things fully return to normal. And many now wonder if it’s safe to go back into therapy?

This is an interesting question and dilemma, because now more than ever, people need to be able to get the help they need to cope with the stress and loneliness of quarantine and the economic shutdown.

Speak to Your Therapist About Other Options

Just as every city, state, and nation are opening back up at their own pace, individual business owners and practice owners will also decide when and how they will open back up. If you were actively working with a therapist before the pandemic, you more than likely continued to work with them either via phone or online chat.

But admittedly, while these helped people get the help they need during the crisis, many clients and counselors are itching to get back to face-to-face therapy sessions. But is it safe yet to do so? When and how should counselors start seeing clients face-to-face?

To answer these questions, counselors and their clients will have to make some considerations:

What are the Risks?

Both the clients’ health and the therapist’s health must be taken into consideration. Is anyone at a higher risk for COVID-19? Does the office space allow for sessions that adhere to the CDC’s safety guidelines? Are you and clients comfortable wearing masks during a session and/or is there enough space to remain 6 feet apart?

State Guidelines

Another piece to the safety puzzle is your own state’s guidelines. What are those recommendations regarding residents leaving home? Are you in a COVID-19 hotspot?

While telehealth has been a blessing for many, for others there have been technical difficulties, wi-fi lag times, and difficulty finding a private space in their home to hold a session. If you prefer a face-to-face session with your therapist, speak with him or her about their protocols moving forward.

Share any concerns you may have and feel free to ask questions. Right now we all need to communicate with each other and be as transparent as we can be. Doing so, as well as weighing the risks, will help life get back to normal for everyone as safe as possible.

 

SOURCES:

Filed Under: General, Telehealth

What is Somatic Psychotherapy and is it Right for You?

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Somatic therapy is a unique form of therapy that focuses on the mind-body connection to bring about holistic change. Using both psychotherapy and physical therapies, somatic therapy can help a person release pent-up tension that is negatively impacting their physical and emotional wellbeing.

The theory behind this type of therapy is that past mental and emotional trauma disrupts our automatic nervous system (ANS). Somatic therapists work on the basis that our bodies hold onto prior traumas and oftentimes manifests them later on as physical symptoms such as depression, anxiety, digestive issues, physical pain, hormonal imbalances, sexual dysfunction, and immune system dysfunction.

Who Can Benefit from Somatic Therapy?

Somatic therapy can help individuals that suffer from a wide range of mental issues such as addiction, grief, depression, stress, and anxiety. It can also help people heal from past trauma and abuse and anyone currently dealing with sexual dysfunction and problems in their relationships.

Also, anyone who has not received effective traditional treatments for chronic physical pain, digestive disorders, and other chronic disorders may benefit from somatic therapy.

How Does it Work?

Somatic therapy combines traditional talk therapy with physical therapy. During a session, the therapist will help a patient revive memories from traumatic events and pay attention to any physical experiences that happen once these memories have been revived.

At this point, different physical therapies such as deep breathing, relaxation exercises, and meditation may be used to help relieve any symptoms felt in the moment. Often adjunctive physical therapies are used to bring about tension release and may include dance, exercise, yoga, or other types of movement, vocal work, and massage.

By working with a patient over numerous sessions, the patient begins to develop a mind-body connection and is able to release long-held anger, tension, frustration and other negative emotions that may have gotten stuck in the physical body.

The overall goal of a somatic therapist is to help their patients free themselves from the mental, emotional and potentially physical pain that is preventing them from fully engaging with their life.

What to Look for in a Somatic Therapist

You should look for someone who is licensed and has experience as a mental health professional with advanced (and supervised) training in somatic therapy techniques. It’s also important to look for someone you feel comfortable discussing your personal issues with.

If you or someone you know is interested in exploring somatic therapy, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you release and move on from the pain.

 

References:

Filed Under: General

The Caregiver’s Guide to Self-Care

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Are you acting as a caregiver to a loved one? Maybe your elderly parent or a spouse or child that is battling a serious illness?

According to womenshealth.gov, 36% of Americans provided unpaid care to another adult with an illness or disability in 2012, and that number has almost certainly climbed as the baby boomer population continues to age.

Acting as a caregiver to another is definitely a labor of love, but it can also take a physical, mental and emotional toll on a person. When you focus all of your energy on the needs of other people, it is entirely too easy to put your own needs on the back burner.

Do You Have Caregiver Burnout?

Here are some of the most common signs of caregiver burnout:

  • Uncharacteristic irritability and impatience
  • Poor sleep
  • Forgetfulness
  • Somatic symptoms, such as headaches and gastrointestinal distress
  • Changes in appetite
  • Turning to substances to self-medicate
  • Lack of interest in friendships and hobbies
  • Thoughts of harming oneself or the person being cared for
  • Increased illness
  • Anxiety and/or depression

With so many people relying on caregivers, it’s important that these people learn to take good care of themselves!

Here are some ways you can begin practicing self-care so you don’t experience burnout:

Get More Sleep

The quantity and quality of sleep you get each night will have a huge impact on how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally. Stress can make it hard for us to get good sleep, so don’t make it any harder.

Avoid caffeinated beverages after 2 pm as well as using any digital screens at night. The blue light emitted from these devices messes with our sleep cycle. You may also want to use room-darkening curtains to make your bedroom dark in the morning so you don’t awaken too early.

Get Plenty of Exercise

All of the stress, tension, and balled-up emotions need to go somewhere, or you’re likely to become sick yourself. Exercise is a great way to work all of this… “stuff” out of you. As a bonus, your body releases endorphins after a good workout, and these chemicals give your mood a nice boost.

Eat Right

Your instinct may be to reach for sugary comfort foods but you need to stay healthy and strong. Opt for protein and healthy fats along with some organic produce.

Ask for Help

While everyone around you may refer to you as “superhuman,” the truth is, you’re just human, and you can’t handle everything by yourself ALL of the time. Ask people to help you provide care once or twice a week so that you may have a little bit of time for yourself.

Talk to Someone

If you are dealing with your own depression and anxiety, it’s important that you speak with someone who can offer coping strategies.

If you or someone you know is a caregiver that could use someone to talk to, please feel free to be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

 

References:

Filed Under: General